"Love and Marriage"

Today’s message focuses on “leaving and cleaving”. As you read on, you will discover how this also ties in with the oneness theme that we just completed. Love Dare cites Genesis 2:24 as God’s blueprint for marriage: “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” But for this to work as designed, it requires a tearing away and knitting together. Marriage changes everything! And couples who do not take the leave and cleave message seriously often suffer long term consequences.

“Leaving” requires you to break a natural tie. Your loyalty must shift away from parents, old flames, and close friends to your spouse. Your parent’s role needs to change from being authorities to becoming “respected counselors.” And your marriage also requires a proper amount of “emotional distance” from others. The purpose of leaving is not to abandon all contact from the past, rather to establish and preserve the unique oneness of marriage. Only then can you and your union become all that God intends it to be.

Yet many newlyweds struggle with this transition or their parents have a hard time releasing their child. If parents, in-laws, or others are allowed to dictate and place demands, your unity will be threatened. Courage is necessary to break your marriage free from any unhealthy attachment. You need to lovingly tell others that you are grateful for their counsel and prayers, but you and your spouse need room to make your own decisions.

Those who have been married a considerable length of time may feel they already passed this stage. Hopefully that is true, yet it is surprising how some areas of incomplete detachment can linger and contribute to divisive issues many years later.

Leaving is the first and necessary step in order to cleave. “Cleaving” is to catch someone by pursuit. In marriage, it is the joining of two hearts to achieve oneness. This union can benefit everything that you do in life, including the roles you assume in marriage and building a family.

But a word of warning. Many, including Christians, think they know better than God. Perhaps they find Genesis 2:24 too irrelevant or difficult. And so they ignore God’s plan for their union and settle instead for “worldly thinking.” They sacrifice the oneness and strength of their relationship in order to include and please others who are not a part of it.

Some may ask, “What if the pursuit of oneness is one-sided and my spouse has no interest in capturing the unity and purpose that God has for our marriage?” The best course is to continue following His way by praying for your spouse, prioritizing your relationship with them above all other human loyalties, and protecting your union as a treasure. Over time, your marriage may begin to change and experience the beauty of oneness.

God’s decision to make you “one in marriage” is intentional, beautiful, eternal, and makes so many things possible. So leave, cleave and dare to walk with your spouse as one. Commit to God and your spouse to make your marriage the number one human relationship in your life.