"Love Endures," Part 2

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When challenges arise, love chooses to endure even through the toughest issues. It keeps pursuing and moving forward. And even when it’s rejected, love refuses to give up. That’s because real love doesn’t waffle when it is not received the way we want. It keeps on giving, even if the object of its affection chooses not to accept it. Consider God’s unfailing love – He never stops loving us even when we refuse it.

In his book A Lifelong Love, Gary Thomas includes a chapter titled “Loving Someone Who Doesn‘t Care”. He notes that in some marriages, one person may seem to no longer care or put any effort into their marriage. It may be just for a season, or they may have given up entirely. This can be agonizing for a spouse still seeking to make their marriage work. Gary urges the one making an effort to not “check out”, but instead to continue loving. The Bible doesn’t call us to love only those who will respond in kind. Giving to get is the world’s view of love, not God’s. We are challenged to love out of reverence to God and, in doing so, will receive His comfort.

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"Love Endures," Part 1

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We return once more to 1 Corinthians 13. The first seven verses tell us that we are nothing without love, and also describes the characteristics of what love is and isn’t. All this leads to a declaration in verse 8: “Love never fails.”

Love Dare primarily examines this theme in the context of an overly stressed or failing marriage. If that is your situation, then I once again encourage you to seek pastoral or professional help. But for our purposes, I will assume that this is not the case for the majority of our readers. Nevertheless, almost every marriage, even the healthiest ones, will experience difficult seasons. So this two part message will focus on how unfailing love can help us in these situations.

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"Love Fulfills Dreams," Part 2

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The first part of this theme ended with an encouragement to consider what dreams your spouse might have and how to fulfill them. I hope you gave it some thought and came up with a few ideas. Maybe it’s an unexpected gift. It could be something luxurious, such as jewelry - or it could be practical, like a special piece of equipment or appliance that would make household chores easier. Maybe it’s a romantic date, a weekend getaway, or even an exotic vacation.

Not everything has to be expensive or even be bought with money. Perhaps their biggest desire is non-materialistic. Your spouse may simply want more of your time and attention, or help with daily tasks. Maybe you could secretly tackle a special project they have yearned for. My wife isn’t into gifts – kind words and deeds matter far more. The point is that dreams and desires come in all shapes and sizes. Yet they are typically associated with one’s primary love language.

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"Love Fulfills Dreams," Part 1

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Our next message is a fun one. Yet at the same time, it can be personally challenging. More on that later. Love Dare starts with this question: “What is something that your spouse would really, really love?” How long has it been since you even considered this?

Common sense tells us that we can’t give our partner everything they want. Financial limitations, time constraints, perhaps children, and many other factors restrict this. Yet sometimes we are too quick or automatic to say no. Maybe we have become too practical and rational. Or maybe we have become lazy and non-intentional about our marriage (see “Love is thoughtful”, 8/14/2020). Instead of dismissing your spouse’s dreams, what if you awakened your love to fulfill them? What would it look like if the one thing they thought you would never be able to do actually happened?

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"Love Agrees in Prayer"

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Love Dare’s previous theme looked at the powerful effect that God’s Word can have in our lives and marriages. Today, we build on this by examining a supernatural privilege – being able to approach the Holy throne of God through prayer. Many Christian couples have discovered that the regular practice of praying together is one of the most specific actions that can dramatically impact their marriage. To non-believers, this may seem ridiculous. But the unity that grows between a husband and wife who pray together forms an intense and powerful connection.

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"Merry Christmas"

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Greetings Friends,

I intended to write a message for today, but I was recently appointed to officiate another curling championship in early January. Planning for this requires a vast amount of time, so I must once again pause for a few weeks.

To date, we have completed 36 of the 40 Love Dare “mini-chapters”. In writing these messages, I have grown to appreciate the thought and wisdom that the Kendrick brothers put into this book. I pray that you have found this material both encouraging and practical.

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"Love is God's Word."

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Today’s topic focuses on the Bible, the greatest book of all times. Numerous accolades are attributed to it - the first book ever published, translated into more languages than any other, and the best seller ever. But more importantly, it reveals God’s plan for the world, our lives, and eternity.

Some feel the Bible is irrelevant in today’s world and so they ignore it. Others find it too difficult to understand and don’t know where or how to begin. But followers of Jesus have the Holy Spirit to help grasp the major themes and deep meanings of scripture. The Bible is ours to read, absorb, comprehend, and live by. Love Dare suggests three basic steps for experiencing the blessings of God’s Word.

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"Love is Accountable"

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Love Dare begins with an interesting sequoia tree analogy. Their massive size is one reason they can withstand severe environmental challenges and live for thousands of years. But they also have a hidden secret below the surface. Their roots, though only 6-12 feet deep, spread out and interlock with those of neighboring sequoias. Each tree is reinforced by the strength of the others.

The secret of the sequoia parallels fundamentals for maintaining a healthy, enduring marriage. When a couple faces challenges alone, the relationship is at greater risk of falling apart. But those who are engaged in a network of other strong marriages have better odds of weathering hard times. It is therefore important for a couple to pursue godly advice, healthy friendships, and experienced mentors.

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"Love Celebrates Godliness"

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Our series began in July 2020 with several themes arising from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Today’s Love Dare message focuses on verse 6, “Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth” (NASB). The closer you and your spouse are to God, the more loving you will be in marriage. Our March 5th message, “Love is satisfied in God”, included a “marriage triangle diagram” showing how a couple’s spiritual journey is connected to their marriage. This simple, yet powerful visual is worth sharing again, so here is the link: https://c3ec.org/s/Triangle.pdf

Our roles as husband or wife are greatly enhanced as our Christian faith grows. With God, we have endless marital resources through His word, counsel, and love. In contrast, non-believers are severely limited and left to depend on their fickle emotions, selfish thinking, and human effort.

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"Love Completes Each Other"

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We move on to a new topic, yet one that relates to the oneness concept which we have been studying. Love Dare begins in the Garden of Eden. God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone”, and so He created Eve (Genesis 2:18-25). Adam, though complete with God, found his needs met even more fully with Eve, his complement in life. The same can be true for your marriage as well. Love must be willing to act alone if necessary, but it is always better when it is not just a solo performance.

God designed one man and one woman to complement one another is so many ways. Consider how our bodies were made for each other. Furthermore, our natures and temperaments can provide balance, enabling us to work together to complete tasks before us. Where one is weak, the other is strong. When one needs building up, the other is there to support and encourage. We can multiply one another’s joys and divide one another’s sorrows.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 is a beautiful wisdom passage that explains why two are better than one. God created unique differences and needs in each of us that our spouse is exclusively designed to meet. These differences are often a source of misunderstandings and conflict, but they can also be blessings if we recognize and respect them. Marriage is about far more than just our happiness - it is also an important part of our sanctification process, making us more holy.

Differences give us the opportunity to complement and complete our spouse. And when we learn to accept them, we can bypass criticism and go straight to helping and appreciating one another. But sadly, some can’t get past these differences and therefore miss many precious opportunities. They fail to take advantage of the uniqueness that makes each of them more effective when including the other.

Marriage is one way God shows both husbands and wives that we are not all-sufficient in ourselves, and that the effectiveness of our marriage is dependent upon both of us working together. It is important to understand that your spouse is integral to your future success and to encourage their opinions on matters affecting both of you. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you. Let them know of your desire to include them in upcoming decisions and that you welcome their perspective and counsel.

God has put you together for a purpose. And though you will not always agree with your spouse’s perspective, love calls you to still give their views sincere respect and consideration. This follows God’s design for your relationship and protects the oneness He intends. Joined together, you are greater than your individual parts. You need each other. You complete each other.

I will end with a story and FYI. We just completed a long drive to South Carolina. This periodically tested my patience — something that is not one of my stronger traits. Thankfully, I was blessed by Eileen’s companionship and encouragement, which actually made the trip enjoyable. It was a personal example of how love can complement and complete one another in tasks that we face. We continue to Florida next month for our son’s wedding, so I will take a writing break until late November. Until then, God bless.

"Love Meets Sexual Needs" - Part 3

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Your level of enjoyment during sex is much more about what is going on in your heart, mind, and spirit than in your body. Too often, we don’t prepare ourselves emotionally, spiritually, and relationally for sex, then wonder later why it was not fully satisfying. Since the sexual relationship is founded upon the strength of your commitment, love, and intimacy, it is necessary to work on these key elements before you are physically together. When a couple surrenders to God, knows and loves each other deeply, and then give themselves to one another, their intimacy and lovemaking launches to a new level of enjoyment.

Remember, intimacy means to be fully known and then fully loved. This requires a couple to first be honest and vulnerable with each other, then to accept and affirm your mutual love and commitment to one another. Love Dare offers the following steps to help you continually experience God’s blessings in your marriage and take your sex life to a higher level.

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"Love Meets Sexual Needs" - Part 2

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We continue our discussion on sexual intimacy by diving into a challenging passage of scripture. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 is too long to quote here, so I encourage you to take a moment to read it. Paul notes that it is good for married couples to have normal sexual relations, that our spouse “has authority” over our body, and that we do not want to deprive each other. The idea of authority over our spouse’s body may be unsettling or confusing in our world. But God created marriage to be a “one flesh union”, so you are the only person on earth designated to fulfill your partner’s sexual needs. Withholding sex, especially if your spouse’s love language is physical touch, places a great strain on the relationship. Your spouse is left with no other God-approved alternatives, which may open the door to temptation. Paul recognizes this danger by warning us to come together again so Satan will not take advantage of our lack of control.

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"Love and Marriage"

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Today’s message focuses on “leaving and cleaving”. As you read on, you will discover how this also ties in with the oneness theme that we just completed. Love Dare cites Genesis 2:24 as God’s blueprint for marriage: “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” But for this to work as designed, it requires a tearing away and knitting together. Marriage changes everything! And couples who do not take the leave and cleave message seriously often suffer long term consequences.

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"Love Brings Unity" - Part 3

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Today, we resume looking at threats to oneness.

3. Inevitable difficulties

Difficulties in marriage are inescapable, but two common failures further complicate this. The first is a failure to anticipate them – we simply miss or ignore the warning signs. The second is a failure to properly respond. Instead of doing so in a loving way that considers our spouse’s position, we often respond defensively by putting our own interests or solutions first.

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"Love Brings Unity" - Part 2

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We resume our discussion on unity by taking a more practical look at oneness. To do so, I will draw heavily on a few excellent resources offered by Family Life.

The Art of Marriage, which is available for viewing on RightNow Media, makes several interesting points. First, society touts the importance of finding the right one in order to achieve oneness and a happy marriage. But the myth of “The One” is not biblical. In “Courtship After Marriage”, Zig Ziglar addresses this by saying that it is possible that you married the wrong person. However, if you treat them like the right person, you could have ended up marrying the right person after all. On the other hand, if you married the right person and treat them wrongly, you could well have ended up marrying the wrong person. Ultimately, it is more important to be the right kind of person than to marry the right person.

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"Love Brings Unity" - Part 1

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We now begin exploring an essential element of a healthy marriage that’s received little attention so far - oneness. We’ve talked extensively about how genuine love serves others, not ourselves. Marriage is a unique relationship where God’s plan goes even further; where two become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). And Jesus validates this by saying, “What God has joined together, let man not separate” (Mark 10:6-9).

Love Dare begins by looking at the Bible itself - 66 books written over a span of 1600 years by 40 different authors. Yet it beautifully interweaves God’s redemptive plan from beginning to end with one united voice. And to this day it continues to speak His never changing message with perfect relevance. Unity, togetherness, and oneness - the unshakable hallmarks of our God.

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"Love's Motivation - Personal Thoughts"

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It took nearly a month to compose last week’s message. Writing does not come naturally for me. It requires a lot of time and focus, so the demands of officiating another national curling championship made this impossible. But I must also confess that I initially underestimated the significance of this faith-challenging topic.

While using Love Dare material to write about motivation, I gradually developed another perspective and will phrase it with this question: “Why don’t we love our spouse as we should?” I don’t believe it is a matter of not knowing what we should do. The Bible is crystal clear and we have covered many facets of unconditional love throughout this series. So why do we resist following God’s plan?

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"Love's Motivation"

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It doesn’t take long to discover that our spouse will not always motivate our love. Sometimes they will de-motivate us and make it difficult to find the inspiration to love them. They may even resist genuine expressions of our love. All this can be discouraging, but it is common – even in many healthy marriages.

Motivational targets based on moods and emotions are similar to the parable of building a house on sand. Both are unanchored and fragile. Steadfast love, and the motivation to follow its call, requires a rock solid foundation; one that always remains fixed and unchanged. God needs to be that foundation and the reason for loving. Love does not come from us – it comes from God and He gives us the ability to love others.

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"Cruciform Love" - Part 3

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Here are a few final examples from Paul Tripp of Cruciform love in action.

IV. Love treats others well.

Love speaks kindly and gently, even in moments of disagreement, and refuses to attack a spouse’s character or intelligence. The wounds of harsh words live within a heart for a long time. But love says no to getting your own way by using words for warfare rather than tools of love. Choose your words wisely, and do not allow yourself to say whatever you think or where emotions lead you.

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