"Love is Not Jealous"

Love Dare was not written to follow 1 Corinthians 13, yet many themes come from it, including today’s “Love is not jealous.” It is also worth mentioning that Paul did not write this famous chapter exclusively for marriage. He wrote it to address numerous problems in Corinthian church, including jealousy.

Proverbs 27:4 describes jealousy as one of the fiercest emotions. The Kendrick brothers actually describe two forms – one legitimate; one illegitimate. Legitimate jealousy is based on love. It can happen when your spouse turns their heart away from you and replaces it with something else. Obvious examples can include an affair or pornography. But I would suggest anything beyond our love for God which ‘over-consumes’ our attention might qualify as well. Excessive devotion to work, hobbies, children, friends, etc. may generate legitimate jealousy in a spouse.

An even greater illustration is God’s righteous jealousy for us. He alone is our greatest hope and can satisfy all our needs. He cares for us, knows what is best for us and desires us to love him more than anything.

Now let’s look at illegitimate jealousy, which stands in opposition of love. This is yet another negative trait rooted in selfishness. Simply defined, it results from not getting something we want. If we don’t learn how to combat jealousy through love, it will poison our heart and lead to trouble. Scripture notes that envy can result in fighting, quarreling and everything evil (James 3:16; 4:1-2).

In Christian marriage, two become one. We become a team that is called to encourage and support each other. But when selfishness rules, jealousy may creep in and infect the oneness of our marriage. We become adversaries instead of teammates.

Here is a different example. Sometimes we envy, or perhaps even covet, other ‘happy marriages’. We may think, “Why can’t my marriage (or spouse) be like that?” First, know that what we perceive is often untrue. Seemingly happy couples often have problems we are unaware of and they may be worse than ours. Second, just as God creates each person uniquely, each marriage is designed to be one of a kind. So if you harbor jealousy of other couples, something I’ve been guilty of in the past, realize it is both wrong and a waste of time. Copying is not God’s plan!

Real love is unselfish and puts others first, therefore it does not tolerate jealousy. It will celebrate rather than envy our spouse's success. And it also sees them as completing us, not competing against us. So let love, humility and gratefulness destroy any jealousy within your heart. Strive to become your spouse’s greatest cheerleader!

Fred