"Love Endures," Part 2
/When challenges arise, love chooses to endure even through the toughest issues. It keeps pursuing and moving forward. And even when it’s rejected, love refuses to give up. That’s because real love doesn’t waffle when it is not received the way we want. It keeps on giving, even if the object of its affection chooses not to accept it. Consider God’s unfailing love – He never stops loving us even when we refuse it.
In his book A Lifelong Love, Gary Thomas includes a chapter titled “Loving Someone Who Doesn‘t Care”. He notes that in some marriages, one person may seem to no longer care or put any effort into their marriage. It may be just for a season, or they may have given up entirely. This can be agonizing for a spouse still seeking to make their marriage work. Gary urges the one making an effort to not “check out”, but instead to continue loving. The Bible doesn’t call us to love only those who will respond in kind. Giving to get is the world’s view of love, not God’s. We are challenged to love out of reverence to God and, in doing so, will receive His comfort.
Gary has additional advice for frustrated spouses. It is important to realize that we, along with our marriages, will never be perfect this side of Heaven, so we should stop trying to fix everything. God is the only one who can bring about meaningful and lasting change, so let Him handle that. A recent Prepare-Enrich article lists “4 Things That Happen When You Stop Trying To Change Each Other”:
You appreciate each other more
You learn to leverage your differences
Your satisfaction gets a boost
You grow together
We also need to remember that we don’t have to go it alone, so pray for the will to continue loving well and to do the necessary work. Then, wait quietly and be willing to follow. Always make sure that God is leading you and not the other way around!
With these things in mind, allow me to once again interject Pastor Brian’s advice: “Learn to love your spouse where they are.” People who are always trying to make their marriages “better” rarely feel satisfied. Instead, be thankful for what you have, rather than focusing on what you don’t. Choose to dwell on the positive, however limited or imperfect it may be (see Philippians 4:8).
When love encounters difficult times, it compels us to humbly apologize and take full responsibility for our failures, as well as to fully forgive where our spouse may have failed. Over and over again. Resilient marriages are built on honesty, respect, commitment, forgiveness, and endurance. And love constantly inspires all these things to grow and thrive within us.
So no matter what challenges you are facing, declare that your love is still greater. Accept your spouse as God’s special gift to you and promise to continue loving them. Tell them, “Regardless of what has happened to us in the past, and in spite of our present difficulties, I choose to love you. Now and forever.” Because God’s love never fails, our love endures.