"Love is not Selfish" - Part 2
/Last week, we examined how selfishness impacts our ability to love. I also included a practical tip for sharing your needs with your spouse. Today we will look at more ways to combat selfishness.
Learning humility is a powerful weapon in this battle. Humility isn’t about false modesty or low self-esteem. It comes from a true self appraisal that understands our relationship with God. It also recognizes the gifts and abilities He has given us and uses them wisely. When we adopt this approach, selfishness and arrogance are kept at bay.
Remember, we have a choice in how we respond. We can act out of love for others instead of ourselves. The series introduction noted that Christian marriage is a covenant where “we give ourselves to our spouse”. This includes putting their needs and happiness before ours. We learn to deny our selfish desires to meet their needs. This is quite contrary to culture’s “it’s all about me” attitude, but following God’s plan comes with an additional benefit. It frees us from unrealistic expectations and unmet demands. Unselfish people find great joy in serving others and are a delight to be around.
Perhaps this seems easy to understand. As always, the challenge is putting this into practice so I encourage you to honestly consider the following:
Do I truly want what is best for my spouse?
Do I want them to feel loved and believe that I have their best interests in mind?
Do they see me as looking out for them first, or me first?
No human knows you better than your spouse. If you make a genuine and sustained effort to sacrifice your selfish tendencies in order to meet their needs, they will notice. How they respond will vary, but remember that you are not doing it to elicit a reward.
Notice the interesting contrast. When it comes to meeting needs, you are called to focus first on others, not yourself. Yet when it comes to change, the focus needs to be on you, not them. The challenge then is learning to love unselfishly - as Jesus Christ loves you.
I will close with Philippians 2:3-4, which beautifully sums up this theme: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
May God grow and strengthen your marriage as you continue to meditate on His perfect ways.
Fred