"Love is Unconditional," Part 1
/If asked why we love our spouse, each of us could generate a unique, multifaceted and hopefully long list of reasons. It would likely include a variety of physical characteristics, personality traits and things that they do. But what if, over time, your spouse stopped being every one of those things? Would you still love them? The logical response would be “no” because your basis for love is gone. Perhaps you feel this conclusion is far-fetched and disagree with it, which is fine. But look at the broader picture of how this scenario, in combination with society’s endorsement to pursue personal happiness, contributes to high divorce rates.
My first message, “Introduction” sent June 26, mentioned that marriage is a covenant, not a contract. The above example has conditions, just like a contract. But a covenant is based on real love. And the only way it can last a lifetime is if it is unconditional. Lasting love is not determined by the one being loved, but instead by the one choosing to love.
The Bible uses the Greek word Agape for this form of love. “The Four Loves”, written by C.S. Lewis in 1960, identifies the following types:
Storge – ‘Empathy bond’. The love of a parent for their child is an example.
Phileo – ‘Friendship bond’. This is the love between close friends.
Eros – Also known as romantic or sexual love.
Agape – ‘Charity love’. This is the love that exists regardless of changing circumstances.
Phileo and eros play important roles, but neither provides a strong enough foundation to sustain a marriage. These are ‘feelings based’ and therefore subject to change. When people talk about “falling in love”, it is often phileo and/or eros related. This is what usually leads us to get married, but we were mostly ‘in love’ with the feeling of being loved. It is also possible to fall in and out of love with others, even when married, which is why you must guard your heart. Finally, you can fall in and out of love with your spouse multiple times throughout your life - often related to your investment in the relationship and how things are going. This experience can be rekindled and even enjoyed, but it should not determine your commitment to your marriage.
Next week, we will examine Agape love. Until then, I challenge you with the following:
Meditate on the nature of unconditional love.
Evaluate how well you do this. Remember, assess only your role and resist judging your spouse.
Identify areas where you can improve.
If the above motivates you to change, ask God to show you the way.
Have a ‘lovely’ week!
Fred