"Love is Unconditional," Part 2

Last week, we saw how fickle phileo and eros love can be. Today we will deeper explore agape love and draw some comparisons. Agape love is unselfish, unstoppable and unconditional. It is based on choice and commitment, not feelings. Trials, temptations and time can destroy a marriage unless it is built on this. Agape love is the only kind that is lasting, unchanging and true.

I often draw your attention to Love Dare themes that stem from 1 Corinthians 13. You won’t find “Love is unconditional” in any translations, yet the sum of all the qualities mentioned in verses 4-7 defines unconditional love. That’s because agape love is God’s kind of love.

The Kendricks note that God does not love us because we are loveable or worthy. He chooses to do so because He is all loving. It is unconditional to the point where we can do nothing to make him love us any more or less. Additionally, Romans 8:38-39 tells us that nothing can separate us from His love. This does not mean however that He loves or approves of our sins. 1 John Chapter 4 beautifully describes God’s love and I strongly encourage you to read it.

Now let’s look at something different. If a spouse says, “I no longer love you,” they are actually acknowledging that they never unconditionally loved you from the beginning. The love was built on feelings or circumstances rather than commitment. This happens when a marriage is built on phileo or eros love. It once again points out the weakness of relying on friendship and/or sexual attraction, which can enhance but not sustain a marriage. Unconditional love is necessary because it cannot be swayed. The good news is that a relationship initially based on a different kind of love can be restored and redeemed. If you rebuild on a foundation of agape love, friendship and romance can become even better.

To build this kind of love in your marriage, you must first turn to God and receive His love. “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). So remember, always go vertical (to God) before going horizontal (to others). A love that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7) does not come from within. It only comes from God. Thankfully, this can become your kind of love if you ask for and receive it. Once you receive God’s love and share it, you can confidently live with your spouse regardless of feelings or circumstances. And in doing so, “I love you because” will be replaced by “I love you, period!”