"Love Cherishes," Part 3
/Gary Thomas says Cherish is “The one word that changes everything for your marriage”. We conclude our theme by looking at a few more examples from his book.
To cherish, we must treasure our spouses as unique individuals. A cherishing marriage is built on intimate understanding, not stereotypes. Every spouse enters marriage with a unique story, personality and way of responding to circumstances. Cherishing means we don’t judge; rather we recognize and appreciate this while seeking to understand and support them.
Cherish also indulges your spouse. Ezekiel tells how God cherished Israel when she was nothing and made her into his beautiful bride. We follow God’s example by cherishing our spouse, even when others don’t understand why. We accept, nurture and even indulge them until their beauty becomes apparent to all. Cherishing helps heal their wounds and lifts them higher.
Cherish means protecting our spouse’s sense of worth and value. This includes going to war against forces which assault our marriage. Dr. Gottman contends that contempt is the biggest threat and explains why. James 3:2 says, “We all stumble in many ways.” Failure to give our spouse grace when this happens leads to disappointment. If unresolved, frustration sets in, followed by bitterness and finally contempt. Ultimately, contempt will unleash a relational death spiral. But if we choose to cherish, we fight against contempt instead of our spouse. Thankfulness is a powerful weapon in this battle. Show gratitude for who they are and what they give rather than dwell on their faults. Notice and express the excellence you see in them.
The ‘Art of Cherishing’ requires an intentional mindset. Here are some steps to accomplish this:
Use your mind to change your heart. Take control by rejecting the negative and choosing the positive.
Sacrifice for your spouse. This shapes your heart and lays the groundwork for cherishing.
Let your spouse know that you need them. This makes them feel valuable and cherished.
Make your spouse’s dreams come true. Like love, cherish is built on all the little things. But occasionally, go big by doing something extra special for them.
Watch and delight. When situations arise where your spouse is showcased, sit back and drink it in.
Conserve energy. An overly busy life and/or one filled with addictions are enemies of cherishing.
Final thought. Through biblical cherishing, we empower our spouse to become who God called them to be. In the process, we also see ourselves becoming what we are called to be. This results in a marriage that is more precious, more connected and more satisfying. God, who cherishes the imperfect you, is ready to teach and lead you to cherish your imperfect spouse.
Bonus material: If you want more, Gary’s “Cherish” video series is available on RightNow Media