"Love Lets the Other Win"

Today’s and next week’s “Love fights fair” messages address an important issue present in every marriage — conflict. The Kendricks begin by noting that if asked to name areas where we disagree with our spouse, each of us could likely generate a list without much effort. The sad news is unless someone gives in, these same issues keep popping up. The reality is we are all stubborn to some degree. This is a common byproduct of being raised to ‘defend our rights’ and is highly promoted in today’s society.

Stubbornness is not always bad. Some things are worth fighting for, including moral standards and obedience to God. Major decisions on issues such as work, children, faith and lifestyle also warrant serious and sometimes difficult discussion. But too often, we quarrel over trivial issues. This not only leads to frustration, but can be detrimental as it steals time, happiness and productivity.

Refusing to compromise is like driving with the parking brakes on. We need the opposite of stubbornness to overcome stalemates — an attitude of willingness. Philippians 2:6-8 reveals the perfect example of Christ who became human, chose to serve, laid down his life and endured the cross. Preceding this, verses 4-5 call us to “look after the interests of others” and to have the “attitude of Christ”. One of willingness, flexibility and humble submission. One that lays down our rights for the good of others.

Let’s apply this to marriage. As long as you and your spouse remain entrenched in your position, the argument continues. But as soon as one is willing to yield to their partner, the argument is over. It may cost you some pride and discomfort, but view it as a loving, long-term investment in your marriage. And if you fear looking foolish or losing control by surrendering, ask yourself whether the issue is more important than your marriage or your spouse’s sense of worth.

Instead of treating your spouse like an enemy or someone to be guarded against, treat them as your closest, most honored friend. Resist always insisting on your own way when you disagree. Even if their view seems wrong or unwise, listen and give it full consideration. It shows you value their opinion and truly care. Graciously offer your perspective so both of you may gain a better understanding of the issue and of each other.

We won’t always see eye to eye. God doesn’t create duplicates; rather He calls us to listen and learn from our differences. Are you willing to compromise and lay down your pride to demonstrate love to your spouse? Ask yourself what really matters from an “eternal perspective” and you may discover the answer is giving up your rights to bring honor and delight to the one you love. It will likely be good for you, your marriage and the way to a greater victory!