"Love Seeks to Understand," Part 1
/Think of something you really enjoy — perhaps cooking, a hobby or a favorite sports team. You will most likely read, learn about, and pay considerable attention to it. It is natural to become knowledgeable in things that interest you.
Love would ask, “How much do you know about your spouse?” Think back to your dating days. Didn’t you study the one you pursued? Can you recall what it felt like to discover their interests, habits, hobbies, and more? Yet once married, actively learning about our mate tends to decrease. The challenge and mystery loses its thrill, and so our interests drift elsewhere.
In a prior message on “Thoughtfulness” (8/14/20), we saw that genuine love needs to replace infatuation to sustain a lifelong marriage — and in doing so, we must remain thoughtful about our spouse. The reality is that a surprising amount of good things in your partner are awaiting your discovery.
The Kendricks offer this perspective: If your premarital study of your spouse is equivalent to a high school degree, then continue after marriage to earn a college degree. After that, a master’s degree, then a doctorate, and so on. People and their needs change over time, so studying your spouse needs to be a lifelong course. One designed to draw you closer together; to become one. So ask yourself these questions:
Do you know their greatest hopes and dreams?
Do you fully understand how they prefer to give and receive love?
Do you know their greatest fears and why they struggle with them?
Paul Tripp says, “Love is being a good student of your spouse, looking for their physical, emotional and spiritual needs so that in some way you can remove their burden, support them and encourage them along the way. Love is not only reactive, but it is also proactive. It is good when a partner communicates a need that is willingly met, but real love is even more. It finds joy in studying a spouse — their opportunities, responsibilities, temptations, gifts, weaknesses, strengths, family, friends, schedule, etc. — so it can anticipate and quickly move to meet their needs in whatever way possible. Love never waits to be told what to do, and it never sees a spouse’s needs as an interruption. Love is burdened when they are burdened and finds joy in their relief. If you truly love your spouse, you will be willing to increase your load in order to lighten theirs.”
In closing, I encourage you to examine areas where you can improve on understanding your spouse. Pray for the Lord’s help to reveal these as well as ways in which you can change. Next week we will further explore ways to better understand our spouse. Until then, may God bless and strengthen your marriage.