"Love Forgives — Part 2"

Last week ended in a dark and difficult position – in prison due to unforgiveness. Each of us has likely been there at some point in our lives, but obviously it is not where we want to spend our time. We previously mentioned that Jesus holds the key to freedom, so keep this in mind as we consider three key questions on forgiveness.

Why should we forgive? We cannot change the past, but we can choose to forgive by not keeping a record of wrongs. Paul Tripp notes that failing to repent and forgive will cause a marriage to be ‘stuck’ in the past — stuck in a cycle of blame, hopelessness, and repeating the same things over and over again without resolution.

When you forgive someone, it does not mean you are declaring them innocent. And it does not remove their blame or clear them with God. It simply removes you from judging and punishing them. This is not about winning or losing — it’s about freedom! It is about letting go. It is about extending the mercy that you have been given by God through Jesus Christ his son. People who genuinely forgive often feel a weight has been lifted off their shoulders. It is freedom and release from the jail within your heart — not only of those who wronged you, but also for yourself.

But how do you do it? You release your anger by turning the matter over to God, the perfect judge in all things. Romans 12:19 tells us to not take revenge and instead, let God handle it. If you still feel the need to confront someone about their transgression, do so in accordance with Matthew 18:15 which says, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.” Or perhaps try Galatians 6:1–4.

How do you know you have done it? Rather than anger, you will feel genuine compassion when you think of them, hear their name, or see them. You will pray for them, instead of punishing them. Because God is judge of all, Jesus says in Mark 11:25, “And when you stand praying, and if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them so that your Father in heaven may forgive your sins.” Matthew 18:22 further adds that we should never stop forgiving them. Forgiveness is often a process, and it can take a long time. You may need to forgive multiple time for the same thing, before you experience peace in your heart.

Without forgiveness, bitterness will poison your marriage and destroy it. So here is this week’s encouragement: Whatever you haven’t forgiven in your spouse, ask God for the grace to forgive today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to forgive us our debts, we also ask Him to help us forgive our debtors. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. It’s time to say from your heart, “I choose to forgive.”