"Love is Responsible" — Part 1

The Kendrick brothers hit a home run writing this chapter, so much of what you will read comes directly from their book. They start by noting many research-proven benefits of marriage. Married people are overall happier, healthier, more productive, live longer, and have better sex lives. They also produce healthier, happier children. The takeaway is that our spouse can add a tremendous amount of value to our lives. But the benefits depend on how responsible we are at taking proper care of our marriages. That’s why taking personal responsibility is one of love’s greatest requests. Responsibility is not always fun or popular, but it is vital in determining whether a marriage is a glorious oneness or a devastating failure.

A marriage is a living relationship under the care of both the husband and wife. The more responsible you are to fulfill your vows, roles, and duties, the more likely you will enjoy the many delights that come with it. But if you shirk your responsibility, the consequences can be painful and divisive. Love Dare warns that a husband shouldn’t expect healthy children and great bedroom intimacy without lifting a finger to help his wife around the house or raise the kids. Likewise, it is foolish for a wife to hope for financial stability and a happy marriage, yet spend without limits and refuse to meet her husband’s sexual needs. Love and wisdom urges us not to neglect our responsibilities.

How well are you honoring what you promised on your wedding day? Is your marriage blooming under your care, or is it wilting? Are you making your spouse carry all the weight, or do you look for ways to lighten their load? Love calls us to take full responsibility for our partner — to love, cherish, and help them.

Love also compels us to take responsibility for something else — our own mistakes. We are often quick to defend them and deflect criticism. And one common and easy way is to attack the closest target – our spouse. We are sometimes deceived into thinking that we are “more correct” than they are and that in a difficult situation, anyone else would have reacted the same way we did. But love doesn’t shift blame or justify wrongs. Rather, it willingly faces our personal weakness and failures that need to be addressed.

The next time you argue with your spouse, pause for a moment and consider if there is any truth in what they are saying. If so, humbly accept their criticism and take responsibility for what you did rather than resorting to defensive tactics. Love is wise, accepts the truth, and is willing to admit and correct faults. Love confesses, repents, changes and thirsts for reconciliation.

We will continue exploring responsibility next week. Until then, take time to reflect on its importance as you continue seeking and following God’s design for your marriage.