"Cruciform Love" - Part 2

Today we shift our focus from defining Cruciform Love to seeing what it looks like in action. To do so, I have condensed Paul Tripp’s 22 point list into five major areas.

I. Love is willing to invest time & energy.

Love is willing to have your life complicated and interrupted by your spouse’s needs. One of love’s greatest challenge is to abandon your comfortable and predictable life in order to fulfill the needs of another. This includes being a good student of your spouse so you can help bear their burden and encourage them. (See “Love seeks to understand” - 1/22/21). Love also calls you to invest the necessary time to discuss, examine, and understand the problems you face as a couple. Problems will come, but remember that God can use them to take you beyond your limits and live together in dependency on him.

II. Love battles selfishness.

Tripp says, “The DNA of sin is selfishness”. And because of this, we put “the kingdom of self” before the Kingdom of God. But real love seeks vertical fulfillment so it can serve horizontally. Love fights the battle within your heart by saying no to selfish instincts. It is unwilling to manipulate or deceive your spouse into giving you what you want. It is not complaining or demanding. Entitlement is harmful to marriage and can turn blessings into needs that we feel deserving of. But true love is other-centered and other-motivated. It looks for specific ways to serve, support, and encourage, even when you are busy or tired.

Love also makes sacrifices for the unity of your marriage without asking anything in return or placing your spouse in your debt. At times, it is easy to love – romantic occasions, when your spouse has anticipated and met a need, or when they communicate how much they appreciate and respect you. But cruciform love goes beyond these mountain-top moments and is at work when life is busy, boring, or difficult. It does not quit in the face of disappointment. Real love calls us to sacrifice.

III. Love handles marital conflict with grace.

Love fights the temptation to be judgmental toward your spouse because critical responses are often rooted in self-righteousness. Instead, it looks for ways to encourage and praise. Love also resists needless moments of conflict that result from pointing out or responding to minor offenses. Remember, you are a flawed person living with another flawed person. You married a “person in process” that God is still working on.

Love is being honest and humbly approachable in times of misunderstanding. When confronted by your spouse, it is willing to examine your heart, admit your weaknesses, and seek forgiveness. Love fights the defensive instincts to be self-righteous, offer an excuse, or shift the blame.

Love is unwilling to do what is wrong when you have been wronged. It is tempting to hurt another when we have been hurt, but love looks for specific ways to overcome wrong with good. To do this, we need God’s grace to intervene and strengthen us.

Next week, we conclude with two more points plus a few final thoughts. Until then, God bless you and your marriage.